I’ve recorded this thing, based on the simple idea that Jean-Luc Picard believes he’s dead throughout The Next Generation. It is silly, and I like it. You might like it. Stranger things have happened.
As you might have guessed, I haven’t been recording much lately, but I did record this over the last few months.
Dead people still play pogs. They have no skin or muscles, but they still play pogs. To some, this is hell. To others, heaven. Soon, you will die and be reduced to a skeleton, and then you will be forced to play pogs finally. Because I know you didn’t actually play back in 1994.
Frank: “Hey Jim! I’m afraid that kids just aren’t into Jesus as much these days. What could we do to reach them?”
Jim: “How about some rollerblades covered with bible verses?”
Frank: “Nah, we already tried that. Two kids died because they were trying to read their skates while they were skating and they rolled right into traffic. What else you got?”
Jim: “Well…there’s these little cardboard discs with pictures, and the kids trade em and play a game where they throw heavier plastic discs at stacks of the cardboard discs to try to flip them over. I believe it’s called ‘pogs.’”
Frank: “Sounds great! We can put Jesus on them! Let’s do it!”
Jim: “Wait. Are you at all concerned with the idea of kids angrily slamming hard plastic discs onto images of Christ?”
Frank: “What’s that? I have to go to the doctor because the cancer is eating away at my bones. I really shouldn’t even be here today. You got this, right?”
Really, Peter’s spider-sense would have gone off and he would have outright murdered everyone that was involved in the decision to put Spider-Man on pogs before they could actually print the pogs.
Before I wrote this song, I googled Ephesians 6:15 to see if it could help explain why some jackass drew a picture of cross-eyed boots for a religious pog. Here’s the NIV version…
and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
Or maybe you prefer King James
And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
After reading through several different translations of the verse, I realized that “shoes of the preparation of the gospel” is the shittiest way to convey the meaning of the verse. But more importantly, the shoes are fucking cross-eyed. They don’t look prepared for shit.
I am less concerned about his shirtlessness than I am about his poor decisions regarding the handling of t.n.t.
Also, I have never been a fan of lettuce, and so there are many better sandwiches to me, but if you want some sort of joke about sandwiches and explosives, the b.l.t. is as good as any, I guess.
What a terrible idea, hopping from star to star, because they are hot as fuck and will vaporize your ass. Old Anakin-Zack Morris here should have stuck to fighting the bad guys and left the star hopping to Nuclear Man.
I had a joke to go with this, but the converting power of pogs has turned me into a christian and now it just doesn’t feel right to say that Jesus was crucified with these two other dudes because they lost the pogs tournament of AD 33.
I’ve never tried alligator meat, and I don’t know if anyone actually makes sandwiches with it, but they should. Also, please note the stupid look on the animal’s face. It is stupid.
Finally, I have returned to songs less than a minute. This old man really likes surfing and green shorts. And hopefully dying, because that’s what’s implied is about to happen to him very soon.